Life is structured around wholeness and unity. We see this in the natural world where nature attempts to integrate all things, even trash, into the environment. Given a long enough time plants will take over and break down structures that serve no purpose in the wholeness of life. Therefore, a fundamental concern for unity needs to be a part of each individual consciousness. Humans have propensity to fragment or separate mentally, emotionally, and often physically.
We need to know that, no matter how vast and impersonal the world is around us, however hard the stretch of road being travelled, we are not alone but the object of someone’s concern and caring. The need to be cared for is essential to human life and to psychic and spiritual health and well-being. When this need is not met, we are thrown into conflict. This conflict might be within ourselves or with our family, community, or partner.
When the need to be cared for is dishonored, threatened, or undermined we cannot experience our self as whole, and instead may become deeply fragmented and splintered. The inner conflict expresses itself in many ways from profound mental disturbance to the complete projection on others of the hate and violence. Behind hostility, hate, and antisocial behavior our hunger persists- the ache to be cared for, for oneself alone.
Even one person, whole and filled with compassion, can penetrate deeply into the life of another. This ability to remain kind, compassionate, and caring makes it possible for a healing to take place in the life of another. The harshness is gentled out of a personality at war with itself.
Violence (physical, emotional, or verbal) is what makes it possible for one person to impose their will on another. It is an imperious demand to force another to honor one’s need to be cared for as that person wants to be cared for. This is the root of domestic violence and societal violence someone’s need is not being met in the way they want it to be met and that individual is willing use violence if necessary. As long as people react with fear their lives can be controlled by those willing to impose their will through violence. It’s important in the etiquette of violence that fear be centered around someone’s ability to remain alive, have well-being, and preserve the well-being their loved ones.
There is often an ingrained conflict between our positive and creative inclination toward community, and our positive and destructive inclination toward conquest (my will, my way.) In our relationships with each other there is often much that alienates, that is distasteful. This is seen as ground to refrain from kindness, compassion, and generosity toward that individual. It’s curious how we often feel that another must demonstrate their worthiness before we are willing to offer loving kindness. Even though we want to be accepted as we are, but at the same time we want the other person to win the right to our acceptance and love.